A bright sun rising
Easter brings new life now
Today is the day
A bright sun rising
Where does the love go
if it seems to run from your heart
Where does that feeling flow
does it get lost in someone’s art?
Where does the love jump off to
when your loved one leaves the room?
Does it fly up to a sky of blue
or cause a young flower to bloom?
How does the love escape
from your encaged red heart?
Does it kick, claw, and scrape
Or slide out on a horse drawn cart?
Oh sweet, sweet honest love
I see you slipping away
As I tap into something from above
I ask you please, darling love, stay.
She had enough of the grief and pain
So she stopped at the edge of the big river
The one that runs out to the sea
And she reached in deeply.
Breathing through it all, she started with her head and her brain.
Who knew you could reach inward so deeply?… she wondered.
She probed, and she bypassed the trinkets and baubles
the forks and other cutlery that were bound up by the neurological meandering
and the shiny tinsel and bright blue bows strung to and fro.
She left behind the sea salt sprayed memories
The smells of spring skiing and summer camping trips
The joys of the lovers’ first kisses
The riding of the bicycles and the running of the races
Until she finally found the dark, shiny, silver edged moon stone
The one that had been causing so much pain.
She wrapped herself around the shiny stone, surprised at how light it felt
How easily and comfortably it fit in her psychic fingers and she tugged gently
It did not budge.
Aum shanti, aum shanti, aum shanti
She chanted over and over again, her fingers touching the stone gently, compassionately
Sometimes she was patient, other times determined
Aum shanti, aum shanti, aum shanti
For days and months and then over a year she sat there at the river
The one that runs swiftly out to the seas
And she chanted Aum Shanti.
Aum Shanti again, again, again.
Eventually, slowly, she could feel the stone releasing itself into her psychic fingers.
Its movements were slow and steady, with every breath, with every repetition
Every Aum Shanti
There was a bit of movement toward healing.
One morning…Aum Shanti …and there was a release that was so sweet and kind
It filled her being with love and light.
The smooth rock slid into her psychic fingers and she gently and compassionately
Withdrew that smooth rock of aching pain
Lifting it back through the neurological tangle
Around the baubles, diamonds, flowers, and sunshine
Past the magical musical moments, through the snow storms, and joys of birthing
Near by the celebrations and feasts of delight
Skimming the roots of the inner tree of life.
And she pulled the stone lightly
Right out the top of her head, through a hole made by a beaming white light.
She held the shiny dark pain stone up to her eyes, looking deeply into it
She exposed it to the sun’s bright rays
Held the moonstone of pain to her heart
Inhaled the smell of it, breathing all the while, Aum Shanti
Tossed it from hand to hand to feel its dense yet lightweight nature.
Deeply aware of each moment of movement, she raised her arm and psychic fingers
And with great strength, with the utterance of the mantra,
Aum Shanti, she hurled it out into the swift moving waters of the cold river
The stone did not sink, so she watched it float away through the currents
Released to the river of life, the river of death, the river of all
And out it floated to the one great sea.
Free from pain at last.
If I was a cloud floating on by
Would you look up, breathe, and wonder why
I looked like a dog, a boat, or a fish
Would you smile and make your deepest wish?
If I was a sweet morning dove
Cooing from without, beyond, and above
Would you take a deep lungful of cleansing air
And truly release all of your thoughts, without care?
If I was a cool and quiet green-blue pond
Would you remember all who made you feel fond
Would you step in deep right here and now
And take a lingering and heartfelt inner bow?
Would you recognize your inner light
And begin to give up the perpetual fight
Take a step toward nature and deeply receive
Releasing your suffering, and feeling deep relief.
For in nature we can find deep healing
The chance to recognize all we are feeling
Moving up and beyond life’s suffering
And accepting the Spirit’s natural offering.
A look across a grey and smoke-filled room
Blue eyes sparkling, gazing up at stars and moon
A baby cries for her mama, alone
A dear old friend rings you on the phone
A day spent laying by the ocean or sea
A little time spent to take care of just me
A room filled with love and light
A song ringing out again into the dark of night
A delicious frosty beverage on a sweltering summer day
A glimpse of the sun slipping out-of-the-way
A silky puppy or kitten to hold close and cuddle
A silly joke or puzzle ,made to befuddle
Icebergs floating down a river blue
A bursting forth of spring just for you
Hot sand burning our feet on a white warm beach
The gold ring flashing by, just out of reach
A day spent with the one you call a sweet lover
Rolling around in the greenest Spring ground cover
A homemade deliciously late breakfast or early lunch
A special drink with your Sunday brunch
The first smile from your favorite child
A love that over the years runs on and wild
Estimate the value of a million and one things
And put it into the place where your heart alone sings
Estimate the power of the love and joy you know
And multiply that power to help you grow and grow
Estimate this life, as it goes on and on
Hold the power forever and beyond
Estimate the love you need, multiply it by three
And watch it come back again to thee.
As the bright sun makes away across the too blue early Spring sky
I recall how you lost your life three years ago, yes that was April as well.
I was not there for your last breaths, just as you were not there for my first breaths.
Yet, it makes no difference now. I never knew if you were there and you knew not if I was there.
There was a great loss of love in our family, in my childhood.
I know now that either you learned to love later or I learned to accept love later.
It was just buried down in there somewhere, beneath the grey muck and pain.
I can picture it now, love beating through the grey muck, a bright yellow feeling of hope.
I can sometimes think of you fondly, of your pride over my accomplishments.
I can push down the stare you provided at the showdown, the blank emptiness and traces of nothing there
I can see clearly now how my own suffering moves me to help others, to connect and care more deeply
And also how it holds me back from others, unable to take the time and make the risk
I can see how everyday my own attachment and aversion to our family impacts me
And then I wish I would take the pain out of my heart pocket
Toss it up into the Spring wind that blows across ice and snow
And watch it fly away back to the universe, scittering away across the river and out to sea
I would also reach in and pull the lump out of my throat, the one that sticks there
Day in and day out, since the day you made me an orphan
An adult orphan, but nonetheless I said it today, I am an orphan
Sometimes too alone in this world to breathe freely
And the vast ocean of loneliness inside reaches a high tide
The waves crashing about in my heart
This three years later.