I was standing in the tower
In the place of the mountain
City by the beautiful bay
Looking out into the darkness
I was so untethered there
That all I could do was think of you
And dream you into my life.
The next day I ran
I ran and ran along the sea
Through the fog
And up to the crest of the 1000 foot mountain
Overlooking the churning deep blue sea.
I was afraid to go closer
Closer to the edge, because part of me was there already
Sitting on the edge of that high seaside mountain
Thinking of flying off, and not flying off.
To fly and really feel how untethered to this world I was
Or to sit back down on the earth
And go back to dreaming of a weight, weight to hold me here.
The depth of emptiness, loneliness at that time
Is hard, and yet not hard at all, to recall and I am not quite sure
What pulled me through, why I did not fly those days on the mountain
There must have been the dreams I still had
Of one day, a family, one day a tethering to this world.
For me it did come, the bracing to life, but it was a long journey back
One I still walk each day, as I examine the fragile tethering that holds me
And if you are felling untethered, I would like to say hold on
Healing is possible, reach out for this line
That I am tossing to you now
I will be your tether whenever, however I can
I’ll hold you in this space on earth.