Sometimes Grief

Sometimes grief slips out

When I am least aware.

Like when the person on the radio says something so relatable,

Or the book my child is reading makes a relevant point,

And I feel it well up inside of me.

Throat constricting, tears brimming, nose running.

Usually I feel it and think why?

Why should I care anymore, you have been gone so long?

I should be over this….

Even as the tears slide down my face, and I pretend like I still don’t care.

It doesn’t matter that you were not kind

That you had not the ability to be thoughtful

That you were too broken

To be a caring person

and

That we were not close those last years.

Estrangement does not loosen the grip of grief

Though it can make it difficult

To break down and walk through the stoney cold wall

That was built up for protection.

But every now and then it happens

The proper words, the forgotten song,

The right set and setting…

And only then the grief leaks out, in micro amounts.

A few tears spilling down my cheeks

Silent, heart aching, never ending

A quiet reminder

That you are still missed.

Only then, grief spills out.

 

 

Advertisements

This Is Life

“This Is Life!” they said,

I sighed, rolled over

And continued to play dead.

*

Yet it rang in my ears

“But you can’t ignore it”, they said

I looked around and brushed away my fears.

*

I took a deep breath

And I yelled aloud

“This ain’t my life! If so I prefer Death!”

*

“Hmmmmph, well that ain’t right”

They whispered back

“But go ahead, walk into the light”.

*

So, I did: I leapt and I fell

Crawling into the light

Phew…heaven and not hell.

*

It should be the end of the story

However it wasn’t

I continue to rise, filled with glory.

*

“Told you” they said

Hmmm, maybe they were right

I am better off not dead.

 

 

Summer Love

Sunshine beats down on me

Until that precious moment when

Your gentle breezes cool my body.

Summer.

Rain, lightening, thunder, humidity

Not one endless stream of happy weather

Wind kicks up white caps on the lake.

Summer.

Hiking, laughing, sleeping, playing

Mini-golf, ice cream, sweet corn

Outdoor concerts.

Summer.

And yet now, fall begins to creep in

Cooler evenings, brisk mornings, leaves changing

We bid you a fond farewell and adieu.

Dear summer.

 

 

 

 

 

Lotus & Dragonfly

Both mired in the muck, the mud
Immersed so deeply in the darkness
They journey alongside one another
Striving, healing, rising
Ever arising.
*
Lotus rises first
Green emerging
Flat leaves, broad and sturdy
Shading pond below
Silently growing, transforming.
*


*
Alongside lotus, dragonfly nymph
Slowly climbing out of muck
Arise above mud, and climb green reed
Pause…
Next, emergence.
*

*
Lotus flower grows tall
Dragonfly nymph wriggles
Both work, both venture
A world unknown
A new life.
*
Lotus flower slowly blossoms
Emerging in sunlight
Drinking in warmth
Closing upon darkness
Always protected.
*
Dragonfly pauses
Patiently waiting, drying
Growing stronger through sitting
Little movement
Preparing for flight.
*
Lotus, Dragonfly
Lessons to learn
Arise, arise, and arise above
The depths of darkness
From whence they came.

The World Crashes Down

When fear overrides your love

And anxiety shakes your soul

I will bring you peace. 

When the world crashes down

And tears roll forth

I will give you ease.

When the heart shatters again

Everyday an empty heartache

I will bring healing.

You will find me

When you listen closely

Look widely

Hold loosely

For I am right here.

I am here in the quiet morning sunrise

In the gentle summer breeze

And the clouds dancing against a bright blue sky.

I am here in each breath

In the nourishment you take

And in the moment you stop to see me.

I will guide you

Reminding you that you are loved

Even as the world crashes down.

Freedom

One day we will rise up

With small smiles in our eyes

Our hearts bursting with love

And we will know peace.

One morning we will turn our backs

And walk slowly away

Knowing conscious freedom

Oppression now a thing of the past.

No more doubt, no more fear

Strength from within emerges

Kindness, care, compassion

Ruling this big blue planet.

Until then, I will believe

In the kindness of strangers

In the light from your eyes

In the call of the birds

And the warm breeze blowing over me.

I will believe in a greater good

A daily miracle from nature

A stronger power of presence.

I will believe in the season of change

Stepping up and moving forward

A path laid out at my feet

And freedom for all.

Illusions

It was a normal morning
I walked outside with my fresh hot coffee
And for 5 seconds
I saw it all…

The boy opening his cigarette package
Hands shaking, so young
The man getting out of his car
The cars whizzing by on the road.

All temporary
Illusions floating by
Realities soon to change
A glitch in the matrix.

And I thought…
What did I just see, truth?
How did the veil flutter aside
For just a few seconds.

It’s gone now
But I keep thinking, yes
I will be in that moment again
One day, one night, soon.