Cold Snap

All around her the freezing air swirled

She was certainly ready

Dressed in her winter armor

Her many layers of protection.

Yes, she could handle the cold,

The dark

The loneliness.

After some time passed, she awoke to the reality

Maybe, she wasn’t ready for how hard it would be

To see the path before her

To travel here alone

And so

Her vision became clouded by the remnants of the past.

She realized, standing in that biting, swirling cold

She had to let go.

The only way to see herself through this cold snap

Was to let go of control

And trust in all that was beyond her knowledge

The transcendent

The ineffable

The power beyond herself.

Surely, this would bring her safely through

The blinding cold snap of her life.

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Gaia’s Power

We rode out the mother’s storm
Winds howling, screeching
The house moaned and groaned
We, being so fearful of being swept away,
Cried and huddled together.
Another disaster to live through
With debris all around.
But the mother she knows
She counts the toll of each indiscretion
And with every new storm
Earthquake
Fire
Hurricane
She sends the message with a roar,
Not a whisper:
Now is the time my children
To end my destruction
I am more powerful
More unpredictable
And I care not just for thee
I care for all beings
I will do whatever it takes
To wake you up
To love, peace, nature, and mystery.
If you neglect my call
The price to pay
Will be far too great to fathom.
For I am
Your mother
Your maker
The power of the blue planet
And the stardust from whence you came.
I am Gaia.
Wake now my children.
Notice this moment,
And the next,
See how everything changes
All is impermanent.
Though we trembled and quaked
We soon forgot, at least
Until the next rumblings of the earth.

Summer Love

Sunshine beats down on me

Until that precious moment when

Your gentle breezes cool my body.

Summer.

Rain, lightening, thunder, humidity

Not one endless stream of happy weather

Wind kicks up white caps on the lake.

Summer.

Hiking, laughing, sleeping, playing

Mini-golf, ice cream, sweet corn

Outdoor concerts.

Summer.

And yet now, fall begins to creep in

Cooler evenings, brisk mornings, leaves changing

We bid you a fond farewell and adieu.

Dear summer.

 

 

 

 

 

Loss

When the loss is so great

And your heart feels beyond heavy

Saturated with grief and pain

Don’t run and hide in the fear

Rather open up completely

Let the grief swallow you whole

Let the pain tear you apart, bit by bit

Remolding your core of being

For when you open up to

The free falling dark abyss of grief

You will walk through that dark, fire-y, painful night

You will stumble and fall

You will ache and hurt

You will shudder and cry out

And you will carry on, forward marching

And emerge anew

On another side of this universe

Filled with peace, ease, love, and light.

So go now, and take all of your braveness

All of your love that you once knew for this precious lost soul

And allow it to propel you forward

Taking the hand of those who are likewise suffering

Together, you can scream through that dark abyss

Shed rivers of tears on the burning path

Rake your soul over the flames of death

And at last come to calm those fires

With your own healing river of tears

Be brave dear souls

And walk into that promise

Of a light filled peace

Emerging beyond the abyss.

 

This is…

This is me, a baby crying in a crib

One night, all night…

It’s just a story, but somehow I remember

This is you, so relieved when it stops

I never cried out for you again.

*

This is me sitting in the dark space of my bedroom, after I called to see when you would be home

Counting minutes, 5:30, 5:31… 6:00 and you are not home

This is you, not knowing I was counting

Not knowing that 30 minutes of loneliness is just too many minutes.

*

This is you, going through great pain

And not knowing which direction to take

This is me, watching the family fall apart

And saying it was all okay with me

When the universe flung us away from each other, a family crumbling to pieces.

*

This is you, living a sort of new life

A new family, a new way of being in the world

This is me, coming home on weekends

Torn between an independent 15 year old’s life

And still wanting a family.

*

This is me, taking things too far

Dangerous behaviors in search of love

This is you, not answering my phone calls

Days, weeks without connecting

Not knowing if I remain in this world or somewhere else.

*

This is me, making myself sick, over and over again

Hopeless and anxious about the future

This is you, telling me to figure out

How hard can it be to take a bus somewhere and get help

For a deadly illness.

*

This is you coming back closer to me

Making amends

Trying to be the person I needed in that moment

This is me struggling to balance it all

Teetering on the edge.

*

This is you, saying goodbye to me

Who knew these would be the last real words face-face

This is me, running and pulling up my roots

Looking for someway out of the mess of the moment.

*

This is me, trying to connect with you

Phone calls unreturned

This is you, disowning me for an error not of making

Both of us preferring to not do the work to bring us back together.

*

This is me during our last phone call

Where I tell you I am pregnant and I want you in our lives

This is you two weeks later, on a ventilator

When the hospital calls to say your story is ending

And in minutes you take your last breath.

*

This is us, our last moments together in a physical space

Your body is already cold and your spirit has gone

See, yes, this is you

Flying away from me again, up to the heavens where you belong.

 

 

You are here

Grey clouds float through a pale blue sky

Over a lake, gentle mountains raising up

As I watch, I certainly know

You breathed this same oxygen.

~

Through splintered rays of light

Shining down through a deep, green forest

Remember, remembering you

Shining in those golden beams.

~

Those gentle summer breezes

Touching my skin lightly

I can’t forget, forgetting

This moment of peace and ease.

~

This is a better way to recall you

Better than those nighttime recollections

Where you visit me and pretend

Like we are together, here and now.

~

So come to me everyday

Through nature’s lingering call

Leaves, breezes, animals

Sunsets giving away to twinkling stars.

Both/ And

The Yin, The Yang

I am light

And I am dark

I have been so angry, I felt my head would explode

And so peaceful, I might just float away

I have been tired, done, overwhelmed, exhausted

And then excited, energized, happy, enthusiastic

I can be loving, calm, centered, sweet

Another day, ready to fight, take on the world

I have known such love and presence

And I walked on the edge of the abyss to nothingness

I am a human being

And sometimes a spiritual being

Both completely perfect, healed, and well

And struggling along, aching inside

It’s this life, this life of Both/ And

The best, the worst, the all of it all

It all leads to growth and it all leads back to everything and nothing

Fullness, emptiness, completeness and the void

Always room for reflection, the witness, growth.

What a perfect, wonderful, horrible, and challenging opprotunity

To be both a human and spiritual being