Cold Snap

All around her the freezing air swirled

She was certainly ready

Dressed in her winter armor

Her many layers of protection.

Yes, she could handle the cold,

The dark

The loneliness.

After some time passed, she awoke to the reality

Maybe, she wasn’t ready for how hard it would be

To see the path before her

To travel here alone

And so

Her vision became clouded by the remnants of the past.

She realized, standing in that biting, swirling cold

She had to let go.

The only way to see herself through this cold snap

Was to let go of control

And trust in all that was beyond her knowledge

The transcendent

The ineffable

The power beyond herself.

Surely, this would bring her safely through

The blinding cold snap of her life.

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Lotus & Dragonfly

Both mired in the muck, the mud
Immersed so deeply in the darkness
They journey alongside one another
Striving, healing, rising
Ever arising.
*
Lotus rises first
Green emerging
Flat leaves, broad and sturdy
Shading pond below
Silently growing, transforming.
*


*
Alongside lotus, dragonfly nymph
Slowly climbing out of muck
Arise above mud, and climb green reed
Pause…
Next, emergence.
*

*
Lotus flower grows tall
Dragonfly nymph wriggles
Both work, both venture
A world unknown
A new life.
*
Lotus flower slowly blossoms
Emerging in sunlight
Drinking in warmth
Closing upon darkness
Always protected.
*
Dragonfly pauses
Patiently waiting, drying
Growing stronger through sitting
Little movement
Preparing for flight.
*
Lotus, Dragonfly
Lessons to learn
Arise, arise, and arise above
The depths of darkness
From whence they came.

An Answer

He sent me an angel, but I chose not to see

The light that was pouring

From the being in front of me.

~

He sent me a light, so I could now know

That I was no longer alone

Somehow I failed to see it’s bright glow.

~

He sent me a message, written boldly in ink

Clear and articulate, oh so very neat

Yet I struggled again to see link after link.

~

Sadly I cried, until I finally asked him one day

Hey big old guy in the sky

Can’t you send me some answers, guide me on my way?

~

His face full of love, with a smile brighter than the sun

He laughed and he chuckled

It’s all right there, just stop from your frantic run.

~

Breathe he said, and you will know

So I breathed, sitting still

And it all began to flow.

~

The light, the stars, the sky all around

They too breathed out their knowledge

And life became profound.

~

Thank you, thank you, big man in the sky

And he laughed and he twinkled

Someday, he said, you will know why….

 

 

 

 

 

Until Peace

Until Peace washes over us

We will continue to suffer

And cry for something more

Not knowing which way to go

Until Peace.

Until Peace engulfs us

And reigns from land to land

We will mourn the loss of loved ones

Crying out and wondering why

Until Peace.

Until Peace soothes our souls

There will be war, hate, and fear

Destruction of beauty, loss of life

Deception and corruption abound.

Until Peace.

Until Peace begins with me

And you, each person striving

To be and bring love into this world

We will need to trust and believe, all is well.

Until Peace.

 

In Dreams

I had a dream… or two…

In the first one we were flying

Not gloriously, like fine eagles in the sky

But laboriously, waiting in lines

Running through airports

Not getting the right seat

Landing in the middle of the road in strange cities.

Flying north when we wanted to go southwest.

Finally we get there, and I see my long-gone mother

She is radiant and young and happy

But too soon we must fly away again

Caught in all of the trappings of flying.

And then, oh, then, the dreams get strange.. and back to normal again

Children falling away, down and far away.

Your running away, now hidden in darkening shadows

I can’t find you

My heart is breaking into 300 million pieces.

Getting drunk when I haven’t drank in 6 years

Mysterious people recognizing my glow

New lives emerging

Warm sandy beaches

Food like I have never known before.

I finally wake up, and I almost pinch myself

I cry…

….and shake

….and feel my heart thumping in my chest.

Where am I now, why am I now…?

Just please don’t float away yet

Stay here in my memory

So I don’t forget you

The lessons, your wisdom, your beauty.

Stay dream, stay…

 

 

Hush Now

Hush now

Watch a river flowing by

Guided by winds and tides

You reflect what meets the eye.

*

Quiet now

Stand strong as the tallest tree

Take up your space when needed

And do it comfortably.

*

Smile now

Watch the eagle fly overhead

Soar higher and higher

Rise above the flow of bloodshed.

*

Tears now

Seeing children laugh and play

Let go of fears of tomorrow

And be filled with grace today.

This is…

This is me, a baby crying in a crib

One night, all night…

It’s just a story, but somehow I remember

This is you, so relieved when it stops

I never cried out for you again.

*

This is me sitting in the dark space of my bedroom, after I called to see when you would be home

Counting minutes, 5:30, 5:31… 6:00 and you are not home

This is you, not knowing I was counting

Not knowing that 30 minutes of loneliness is just too many minutes.

*

This is you, going through great pain

And not knowing which direction to take

This is me, watching the family fall apart

And saying it was all okay with me

When the universe flung us away from each other, a family crumbling to pieces.

*

This is you, living a sort of new life

A new family, a new way of being in the world

This is me, coming home on weekends

Torn between an independent 15 year old’s life

And still wanting a family.

*

This is me, taking things too far

Dangerous behaviors in search of love

This is you, not answering my phone calls

Days, weeks without connecting

Not knowing if I remain in this world or somewhere else.

*

This is me, making myself sick, over and over again

Hopeless and anxious about the future

This is you, telling me to figure out

How hard can it be to take a bus somewhere and get help

For a deadly illness.

*

This is you coming back closer to me

Making amends

Trying to be the person I needed in that moment

This is me struggling to balance it all

Teetering on the edge.

*

This is you, saying goodbye to me

Who knew these would be the last real words face-face

This is me, running and pulling up my roots

Looking for someway out of the mess of the moment.

*

This is me, trying to connect with you

Phone calls unreturned

This is you, disowning me for an error not of making

Both of us preferring to not do the work to bring us back together.

*

This is me during our last phone call

Where I tell you I am pregnant and I want you in our lives

This is you two weeks later, on a ventilator

When the hospital calls to say your story is ending

And in minutes you take your last breath.

*

This is us, our last moments together in a physical space

Your body is already cold and your spirit has gone

See, yes, this is you

Flying away from me again, up to the heavens where you belong.