I took a sip and blew of my head
Rolled around on the ground
Left my body for dead.
I flew past the moon
Burned by a few stars
Seeking what was coming soon.
True brightness, the greatest of lights
And it beckoned me, step in
One way only, no exit in sight.
I leapt right into the light that was you
Watched your death once more,
Finally you rose, and together we flew.
We melted like one in time and space
Unified beings, all are here
No need for the never ending race.
A million years later, back home we came
Past those stars, that glittering moon
Life will never be the same.
Don’t forget; we are still liquescent
Melting together, like stars into moon
All good, all beings, all love heaven sent.
I took a sip and blew of my head
I had some good poems
They were written in my head
I awoke in the morning
Only to find the poems were quite dead.
I frowned down upon them
And sadly shook my head,
You naughty little things
How could you show up so very dead?
They still wouldn’t budge, not even a bit
Crying, sighing, they still remained dead
So I stopped what I was doing
And to the light I lifted my head.
“Forgive me great universe
These ones wound up being dead”
I prayed over and over again
A chant forming in my head.
And then I let them go
Farewell poems leaving space inside my head
Searching for those new kind words
Having finally let go of you, dear departed dead.
She was feeling alone and lost
Her mind wandering all around
She looked to the North Star
Seeking to be found.
Gazing up, she sensed a presence
Through the stardust in her eyes
She sunk down, and she fell beyond
Still staring into deep ink skies.
The feeling started low and deep
Crawling slowly up her spine
Reaching her mind with a thundering crash
When an ineffable love began to shine.
It happened in only a moment,
It took place with one long breath
Now she shines on brightly
No fear of pain, loss, or death.
Look to the North Star
Let your heart and soul loose to roam
Regain your way through stardust
Soon you will be back home.
Even when things may seem not quite right
The spirit is moving within and through
Culling all the scattered pieces together
Creating a new and emerging you.
Even when the deep rage bubbles up inside
And you can feel it coursing through the body
The spirit is continually working small miracles
Your own light filled guide is overseeing.
Even then, and even right here and now
However dark you might be feeling
A new, greater order is emerging
With the infinite potential for healing.
Even when you think, this will never pass
Slow down for a moment, and than the next
Trusting right here and now,
Know the spirit’s healing annex.
This is me, a baby crying in a crib
One night, all night…
It’s just a story, but somehow I remember
This is you, so relieved when it stops
I never cried out for you again.
This is me sitting in the dark space of my bedroom, after I called to see when you would be home
Counting minutes, 5:30, 5:31… 6:00 and you are not home
This is you, not knowing I was counting
Not knowing that 30 minutes of loneliness is just too many minutes.
This is you, going through great pain
And not knowing which direction to take
This is me, watching the family fall apart
And saying it was all okay with me
When the universe flung us away from each other, a family crumbling to pieces.
This is you, living a sort of new life
A new family, a new way of being in the world
This is me, coming home on weekends
Torn between an independent 15 year old’s life
And still wanting a family.
This is me, taking things too far
Dangerous behaviors in search of love
This is you, not answering my phone calls
Days, weeks without connecting
Not knowing if I remain in this world or somewhere else.
This is me, making myself sick, over and over again
Hopeless and anxious about the future
This is you, telling me to figure out
How hard can it be to take a bus somewhere and get help
For a deadly illness.
This is you coming back closer to me
Trying to be the person I needed in that moment
This is me struggling to balance it all
Teetering on the edge.
This is you, saying goodbye to me
Who knew these would be the last real words face-face
This is me, running and pulling up my roots
Looking for someway out of the mess of the moment.
This is me, trying to connect with you
Phone calls unreturned
This is you, disowning me for an error not of making
Both of us preferring to not do the work to bring us back together.
This is me during our last phone call
Where I tell you I am pregnant and I want you in our lives
This is you two weeks later, on a ventilator
When the hospital calls to say your story is ending
And in minutes you take your last breath.
This is us, our last moments together in a physical space
Your body is already cold and your spirit has gone
See, yes, this is you
Flying away from me again, up to the heavens where you belong.
Why don’t you sit by the fire
Put your feet up
Sip some tea
And color in your coloring book?
You need these moments to renew,
To revive your weary mind
To be here right now
And let go of what should be left behind.
Why don’t you breathe in
This very moment… and the next and the next
As you stretch up from your yoga mat
Reaching for the stars in the heavens.
You need to feel your body here
Noticing each breath and pause
Caring for the aches and pains
And embracing your human strength and limitations.
Why don’t you just notice
The little beings surrounding you
Children, cats, dogs, even the house mice
Vying for your eyes upon them.
Waking up, noticing, being here now
Will repair your brain circuits
Supporting healing from the trauma
That everyday stress brings to you.
Why don’t you just be
Relax, revive, regenerate, renew your soul- being
Breathe, live in this moment, let go…
Why don’t you?
I sit and count
One blessing after another
So many reasons to be grateful
For this moment right here and now.
Today I saw two single rouge snowflakes
It was supposed to rain
And yet God knows I love snow…
He must have sent me the flake as silent sign of hope.
Tonight I will drive home safely
In my warm car
And arrive in time to kiss two beautiful girls goodnight
My heart will be filled with love and gratitude.
I never thought this dream was possible
And yet here it is, day after day
This beautiful life unfolding
Blessings and gratitude building upon each other
Day after day after….