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Doors

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

Let me back in

How do I get back in

He is on one knee

Holding her hand

Begging, crying

~

I don’t know she says

The door is stuck shut

It melded there

From the heat of my despair

From the warmth of one million tears

~

He knows now the harm

That he has pressed into her soul

The pain that has sealed the door shut

The violence he did not mean to harm her

And he throws himself against the door

~

Again and again

He pounds on the stuck iron

That protects her heart

That keeps her safe

And he eventually realizes

~

He realizes that he created it

The immovable door

The heavy protection around her heart

And now he must search

For a key to unhinge the lock, to swing open the door.

~

Or he must find his way back

Spend his lifetime slowly picking away

At the door with a heartfelt love

Until the metal wears thin

As thin as a veil

~

And the veil is swept away

The lovers meet again

Bound by the heart

Strengthened by the healing

Held together as one.

 

 

The Wanted and Missing Poem

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

He said he liked poems

Of riding horses

Drinking coffee

Swimming in cool pools

Hot summer days

And leaves that tumbled gently to the ground, fall after fall.

I sat still and listened

Me on the other end of the radio

Sitting with the thought of the poems I had not written

How my life is full of poetry

Yet I fail to recognize and capture it.

I let it slide away from mind, and fly out my heart

All of those words of thunder crashing

Cats sleeping in patches of sunlight

Musical notes floating about in the summer night air

Falling stars and northern lights streaming down from heavens above.

Those unwritten verses, sailing away.

You may never know

In a poetic way

How I saw the eagle soar over my head

As the osprey chased it away

Or the joy I felt, of holding my baby girl

Saying I love you to her for the first time.

You may never hear about

The double rainbow I saw in County Kerry

Or the way that I fell in love across a smoke filled room

The way my heart filed with light and hope and peace

When my family sat at the piano and sang

Or how I cried most of the way through that old movie

That brought back the stinging grief of my youth

Or how I mantra myself to sleep some nights

When loneliness settles deep in my soul.

I believe it now though,

I believe we are all poetry

Living verses of wonder, life, and light

Writing our messages and poems

On the consciousness of the earth

As we fly through this universe

Spinning helplessly on this bright blue planet.

Each of us is

the wanted

the missing

the most beautiful

poetry

to ever be.

 

 

 

Dear Mommy

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

Mother of my birth

I miss you so today, for this is your day

The anniversary of the day you came into this word.

I am not sure what happened along the way

How we went from going to tea

Celebrating holidays with great joy

To great distance and estrangement.

You were suffering, and closing me off.

No calls, no letters, refusing my efforts.

So, I got busy, pursuing the dream you missed.

Still, I miss you so now.

And we can’t go back.

I wish you could have met these beautiful angels

Your granddaughters

That God sent to me.

I wish you could have been there

When I walked across the stage

When I spoke out loud to hundreds

When I mourned the loss of your son, alone.

I still have dreams of you

Always you look so beautiful and young

Happy and free

Ready for the next adventure.

Someday, Mommy, someday

You will guide me back into the light

We will know that pure love and perfect joy

And we will plan our next journey together.

Fly, brother, fly

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

He took his last breath

Exhaling… miraculously he was free

Leaving suffering and pain behind him

His soul gently climbed up the starlit stairway… away

He left a trail of light and love in his wake

That love-light rained steadily down upon us

Soaking into our grief-filled hearts

Allowing us to know, we are still one

So we called out to you, fly brother, fly brother

Be free, soul brother, be free

~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~

RIP- Scott “Coach” Hardy

Untethered

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

I was standing in the tower

In the place of the mountain

City by the beautiful bay

Looking out into the darkness

I was so untethered there

That all I could do was think of you

And dream you into my life.

The next day I ran

I ran and ran along the sea

Through the fog

And up to the crest of the 1000 foot mountain

Overlooking the churning deep blue sea.

I was afraid to go closer

Closer to the edge, because part of me was there already

Sitting on the edge of that high seaside mountain

Thinking of flying off, and not flying off.

To fly and really feel how untethered to this world I was

Or to sit back down on the earth

And go back to dreaming of a weight, weight to hold me here.

The depth of emptiness, loneliness at that time

Is hard, and yet not hard at all, to recall and I am not quite sure

What pulled me through, why I did not fly those days on the mountain

There must have been the dreams I still had

Of one day, a family, one day a tethering to this world.

For me it did come, the bracing to life, but it was a long journey back

One I still walk each day, as I examine the fragile tethering that holds me

And if you are felling untethered, I would like to say hold on

Healing is possible, reach out for this line

That I am tossing to you now

I will be your tether whenever, however I can

I’ll hold you in this space on earth.

 

 

Attachment

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

I know you

My addiction, my attachment

Even though I left you behind

Now some years ago

You emerge in my dreams.

Sometimes I startle back to consciousness

And I think

No, I can’t go back to that.

And some waking days I think of you

Or long for what you did for me

And I can smell you and see you there

I can feel the craving so deep

I want you.

I want to drink you, eat you, consume you, purge you.

But I did not work this hard

Come this far

To find myself sitting down there

With you, miserable after the pleasure and pain.

My attachment, though I have left you behind

Not to worry, you are still here

Reminding me, again and again

Every day a new opportunity to release you anew.

 

 

To forget

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

What was there left to forget?

She wondered, and racked her mind

Nothing she could think of in the future

And all that she had left behind.

~

Forget the hard days of strive and fear

The endless sleepless nights

Leave behind the regrets and wants

The need to always be right.

~

Forget about what you once wanted

All of that is gone, farewell, bye-bye

And breathe into the here and now

Opening up your knowing third eye

~

Something wonderful lays ahead

Something new to one day forget

Something else to let go of

And to help move her beyond regret.

Notice

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

I sit and wait

Breathe, sit, wait

Moments turning into hours

Days, months, years… and more.

~

I can barely notice myself

When I am hurting, in pain

Tears welling up

So how can I expect you to notice?

~

Someday, maybe, I will just sit

And not judge myself too much

Not think I should be one way or another

I will sit and notice.

~

And then I will notice you too

And I will see you

See you as you really are

A light filled being.

~

And until then I will just

Keep on breathing

Sitting, every day

Moving toward noticing.

Pay Attention

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

This body hurts sometimes

A little right there on the neck

A lot over here between the scapula

The pains, daily they come and go

~

Oh, you old trusty bag of bones

You know just when to get my attention

Subtle ache or severe spasm

You wake me up to me

~

Pinching neck, yikes, who is my pain in the neck

Spasm mid-back, crying out to me

Joints ache when moved, they whisper

Remember, never forget, why you are here

~

Thank you, old trusty bag of bones

Hurting, aging, declining  body

Suffering pieces of me

Twisting my body up

~

You call for me to care for myself

You remind me of life’s suffering

Pain, you create a well of empathy within me

From which I can draw upon each day

~

For we all suffering, on some level

We all have these bags of bones to deal with

Each of us wants to move beyond the pain

And yet pain creates an opportunity to awaken

~

Pain, dare I say, come to me freely

And teach me what I need to know

About empathy, love, surrender

And awaken the heart of my soul.

 

 

Rising: A story-poem

Posted on by Carey S. Clark, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, RYT, FAAN

Before retiring, she looked out the window

Only to see a bright white silvery moon rising

Over the dark waters of the river

Creating silvery essence on the water

~

Snuggling down into linens, covers, pillows

She soon and swiftly drifted off to sleep

She awoke a few hours later

The silvery full moon had moved so swiftly over the still river

~

Not sure if she was dreaming or awake

She glided down the stairs, out the door, across the dewy-deep grass

And down toward the water

Her skin glistened with silver light in the cool night air.

~

Down by the river, she reached out to touch a moon beam

It was reflecting on the water, and she thought

If only I could touch it, the light of the moon would move through me

I would be healed and I would know….

~

To her surprise, the moon beam reflection felt solid and strong

She stood up and placed her toe on the light, and then her foot

And soon she was moving lightly across the moon beams

Gazing at her feet on the beams and the moon up above

~

And finding herself soon under the moon

She raised her arms up toward the moon, the brightest light

During that dark and cool night

And she embraced the moon, wrapping her arms around it

~

The moon obliged her, bringing her up to its heavenly heights

Filling her full of healing silvery light

Showing to her some of the secrets of the world

As they slowly made their way toward the West, through the night.