Sometimes Grief

Sometimes grief slips out

When I am least aware.

Like when the person on the radio says something so relatable,

Or the book my child is reading makes a relevant point,

And I feel it well up inside of me.

Throat constricting, tears brimming, nose running.

Usually I feel it and think why?

Why should I care anymore, you have been gone so long?

I should be over this….

Even as the tears slide down my face, and I pretend like I still don’t care.

It doesn’t matter that you were not kind

That you had not the ability to be thoughtful

That you were too broken

To be a caring person

and

That we were not close those last years.

Estrangement does not loosen the grip of grief

Though it can make it difficult

To break down and walk through the stoney cold wall

That was built up for protection.

But every now and then it happens

The proper words, the forgotten song,

The right set and setting…

And only then the grief leaks out, in micro amounts.

A few tears spilling down my cheeks

Silent, heart aching, never ending

A quiet reminder

That you are still missed.

Only then, grief spills out.

 

 

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This Is Life

“This Is Life!” they said,

I sighed, rolled over

And continued to play dead.

*

Yet it rang in my ears

“But you can’t ignore it”, they said

I looked around and brushed away my fears.

*

I took a deep breath

And I yelled aloud

“This ain’t my life! If so I prefer Death!”

*

“Hmmmmph, well that ain’t right”

They whispered back

“But go ahead, walk into the light”.

*

So, I did: I leapt and I fell

Crawling into the light

Phew…heaven and not hell.

*

It should be the end of the story

However it wasn’t

I continue to rise, filled with glory.

*

“Told you” they said

Hmmm, maybe they were right

I am better off not dead.

 

 

Dancing In The Sun

Just a few are gathered now
In a place so light and free
Just a few converging
One of them could be me.
*
Just a few assembled
To dance under a sinking sun
Soon nighttime will gather
You won’t find them on the run.
*
Amassing love and peace
Souls create a true convergence
They practice and rehearse
Creating a love-filled resurgence.
*
We will keep on dancing
Moving under a star-lit sky
Spinning and twirling
We are free until they die.
*
All will still be singing
Those precious songs from within
There are no words, only space
Little comforts in this tailspin.
*
It will surely end in death
But at least we will be free
All certainly ends with nothing
And the same will be of me.
*
Until that time I will keep dancing
Singing until I am free
Until then you will find me twirling
Living, a mind full of God’s esprit.
*
Darling, you can keep on dancing
For it will set your spirit free
You may look within your own sweet self
Gazing deeper still to see.

Let Go

I had some good poems
They were written in my head
I awoke in the morning
Only to find the poems were quite dead.
*
I frowned down upon them
And sadly shook my head,
You naughty little things
How could you show up so very dead?
*
They still wouldn’t budge, not even a bit
Crying, sighing, they still remained dead
So I stopped what I was doing
And to the light I lifted my head.
*
“Forgive me great universe
These ones wound up being dead”
I prayed over and over again
A chant forming in my head.

school_of_death_web

(google images)

*
And then I let them go
Farewell poems leaving space inside my head
Searching for those new kind words
Having finally let go of you, dear departed dead.

Until Peace

Until Peace washes over us

We will continue to suffer

And cry for something more

Not knowing which way to go

Until Peace.

Until Peace engulfs us

And reigns from land to land

We will mourn the loss of loved ones

Crying out and wondering why

Until Peace.

Until Peace soothes our souls

There will be war, hate, and fear

Destruction of beauty, loss of life

Deception and corruption abound.

Until Peace.

Until Peace begins with me

And you, each person striving

To be and bring love into this world

We will need to trust and believe, all is well.

Until Peace.

 

Loss

When the loss is so great

And your heart feels beyond heavy

Saturated with grief and pain

Don’t run and hide in the fear

Rather open up completely

Let the grief swallow you whole

Let the pain tear you apart, bit by bit

Remolding your core of being

For when you open up to

The free falling dark abyss of grief

You will walk through that dark, fire-y, painful night

You will stumble and fall

You will ache and hurt

You will shudder and cry out

And you will carry on, forward marching

And emerge anew

On another side of this universe

Filled with peace, ease, love, and light.

So go now, and take all of your braveness

All of your love that you once knew for this precious lost soul

And allow it to propel you forward

Taking the hand of those who are likewise suffering

Together, you can scream through that dark abyss

Shed rivers of tears on the burning path

Rake your soul over the flames of death

And at last come to calm those fires

With your own healing river of tears

Be brave dear souls

And walk into that promise

Of a light filled peace

Emerging beyond the abyss.

 

Hush Now

Hush now

Watch a river flowing by

Guided by winds and tides

You reflect what meets the eye.

*

Quiet now

Stand strong as the tallest tree

Take up your space when needed

And do it comfortably.

*

Smile now

Watch the eagle fly overhead

Soar higher and higher

Rise above the flow of bloodshed.

*

Tears now

Seeing children laugh and play

Let go of fears of tomorrow

And be filled with grace today.