Just a few are gathered now
In a place so light and free
Just a few converging
One of them could be me.
Just a few assembled
To dance under a sinking sun
Soon nighttime will gather
You won’t find them on the run.
Amassing love and peace
Souls create a true convergence
They practice and rehearse
Creating a love-filled resurgence.
We will keep on dancing
Moving under a star-lit sky
Spinning and twirling
We are free until they die.
All will still be singing
Those precious songs from within
There are no words, only space
Little comforts in this tailspin.
It will surely end in death
But at least we will be free
All certainly ends with nothing
And the same will be of me.
Until that time I will keep dancing
Singing until I am free
Until then you will find me twirling
Living, a mind full of God’s esprit.
Darling, you can keep on dancing
For it will set your spirit free
You may look within your own sweet self
Gazing deeper still to see.
Just a few are gathered now
I had some good poems
They were written in my head
I awoke in the morning
Only to find the poems were quite dead.
I frowned down upon them
And sadly shook my head,
You naughty little things
How could you show up so very dead?
They still wouldn’t budge, not even a bit
Crying, sighing, they still remained dead
So I stopped what I was doing
And to the light I lifted my head.
“Forgive me great universe
These ones wound up being dead”
I prayed over and over again
A chant forming in my head.
And then I let them go
Farewell poems leaving space inside my head
Searching for those new kind words
Having finally let go of you, dear departed dead.
Until Peace washes over us
We will continue to suffer
And cry for something more
Not knowing which way to go
Until Peace engulfs us
And reigns from land to land
We will mourn the loss of loved ones
Crying out and wondering why
Until Peace soothes our souls
There will be war, hate, and fear
Destruction of beauty, loss of life
Deception and corruption abound.
Until Peace begins with me
And you, each person striving
To be and bring love into this world
We will need to trust and believe, all is well.
When the loss is so great
And your heart feels beyond heavy
Saturated with grief and pain
Don’t run and hide in the fear
Rather open up completely
Let the grief swallow you whole
Let the pain tear you apart, bit by bit
Remolding your core of being
For when you open up to
The free falling dark abyss of grief
You will walk through that dark, fire-y, painful night
You will stumble and fall
You will ache and hurt
You will shudder and cry out
And you will carry on, forward marching
And emerge anew
On another side of this universe
Filled with peace, ease, love, and light.
So go now, and take all of your braveness
All of your love that you once knew for this precious lost soul
And allow it to propel you forward
Taking the hand of those who are likewise suffering
Together, you can scream through that dark abyss
Shed rivers of tears on the burning path
Rake your soul over the flames of death
And at last come to calm those fires
With your own healing river of tears
Be brave dear souls
And walk into that promise
Of a light filled peace
Emerging beyond the abyss.
Watch a river flowing by
Guided by winds and tides
You reflect what meets the eye.
Stand strong as the tallest tree
Take up your space when needed
And do it comfortably.
Watch the eagle fly overhead
Soar higher and higher
Rise above the flow of bloodshed.
Seeing children laugh and play
Let go of fears of tomorrow
And be filled with grace today.
This is me, a baby crying in a crib
One night, all night…
It’s just a story, but somehow I remember
This is you, so relieved when it stops
I never cried out for you again.
This is me sitting in the dark space of my bedroom, after I called to see when you would be home
Counting minutes, 5:30, 5:31… 6:00 and you are not home
This is you, not knowing I was counting
Not knowing that 30 minutes of loneliness is just too many minutes.
This is you, going through great pain
And not knowing which direction to take
This is me, watching the family fall apart
And saying it was all okay with me
When the universe flung us away from each other, a family crumbling to pieces.
This is you, living a sort of new life
A new family, a new way of being in the world
This is me, coming home on weekends
Torn between an independent 15 year old’s life
And still wanting a family.
This is me, taking things too far
Dangerous behaviors in search of love
This is you, not answering my phone calls
Days, weeks without connecting
Not knowing if I remain in this world or somewhere else.
This is me, making myself sick, over and over again
Hopeless and anxious about the future
This is you, telling me to figure out
How hard can it be to take a bus somewhere and get help
For a deadly illness.
This is you coming back closer to me
Trying to be the person I needed in that moment
This is me struggling to balance it all
Teetering on the edge.
This is you, saying goodbye to me
Who knew these would be the last real words face-face
This is me, running and pulling up my roots
Looking for someway out of the mess of the moment.
This is me, trying to connect with you
Phone calls unreturned
This is you, disowning me for an error not of making
Both of us preferring to not do the work to bring us back together.
This is me during our last phone call
Where I tell you I am pregnant and I want you in our lives
This is you two weeks later, on a ventilator
When the hospital calls to say your story is ending
And in minutes you take your last breath.
This is us, our last moments together in a physical space
Your body is already cold and your spirit has gone
See, yes, this is you
Flying away from me again, up to the heavens where you belong.
It’s going to be okay, my dear child
The wise woman whispered
Your mother is a part of you, and all around you
Just open your eyes to see her
See her everywhere.
Even if your mother is no longer,
No longer here in bodily form
Or was never there for you on this journey
You can see that she still is everywhere:
In the light that filters through the Spring leaves on the trees.
Twinkling from a star so far and yet so near.
In the wind that blows your hair around your head.
Between the musical notes of your favorite song.
In the eyes, nose, mouth that stare back at you from the mirror.
Through the way you laugh and smile when filled with joy.
In each wave crashing up from the ocean and landing briefly on the shore
Beaming brightly from a full rising moon
In every breath, as you breathe in the same oxygen molecules
that your mother inhaled while she carried you, safely, deep within her.
It’s all there, the mother you always wanted,
The mother you always needed.
She has been right here with you all along
She never left your side.
You may decide to no longer grieve this perceived loss of the mother
And you may decide to open your heart
To the beauty of the mother all around you.
Fear not, child, fear not
For you may decide to live
As if there is no such being
As a truly motherless child.