Of peace, war, fear, terror, and love

When I was a small child

and the bombs were flying and falling and bursting

I was not afraid.

That was, afterall, so far away

Also, my uncle was there

Dropping supplies from planes in Vietnam

And taking care of the world.

*

I grew up and was not afraid of the state of the world

I was too self involved

Until in high school, as we studied history, I began to see the reality of man.  I watched The Day After on TV, along with 100 million other people. Now I was afraid, for years to come I was terrified of nuclear war, and I would read about the what-if’s and the certain devastation. When the wall fell, well, those thoughts seemed to fall away a bit with that wall, torn apart by human hands. *After I graduated college,A certain President began the first middle east war, that I saw live on TV I would get drunk and high and try to understand itUntil I wrapped myself up in a ball of anxiety and fear”I will never bring children into a hate filled world”, where money and oil and consumerism fill our sad lives. He agreed with me. *And things escalate again some years later, they continue on, the things man does to manOklahoma bombings, 9-11, Iraq, AfghanistanSomewhere though along the way, I did want children, he did want childrenA family, to move toward peace, to share moments of joy, to create a new world. Children, the hope for a different future…. we can do this. *I shelter you now, your young brains, You know just a bit about the bombings, the killings, the shootingsYou hear on the radio and sometimes you see me cryBut you don’t watch, you never watch, you don’t see those imagesI take you to yoga, and pray for peace, and hold you tightly each nightOur own peaceful universe, one moment to the next. *I try not to worry, worry about you and the futureWorry about the world I will leave behind someday, for you to somehow manageI teach you about peace, and ease; I say these  words, spread that love, joy, friendship each dayWe are all just one familyAnd my faith in your prevails, to bring forth the peace and light into the world. There is no more choice to be afraid.

 

Why Don’t You?

Why don’t you sit by the fire

Put your feet up

Sip some tea

And color in your coloring book?

*

You need these moments to renew,

To revive your weary mind

To be here right now

And let go of what should be left behind.

*

Why don’t you breathe in

This very moment… and the next and the next

As you stretch up from your yoga mat

Reaching for the stars in the heavens.

*

You need to feel your body here

Noticing each breath and pause

Caring for the aches and pains

And embracing your human strength and limitations.

*

Why don’t you just notice

The little beings surrounding you

Children, cats, dogs, even the house mice

Vying for your eyes upon them.

*

Waking up, noticing, being here now

Will repair your brain circuits

Supporting healing from the trauma

That everyday stress brings to you.

*

Why don’t you just be

Relax, revive, regenerate, renew your soul- being

Breathe, live in this moment, let go…

Why don’t you?

 

Untethered

I was standing in the tower

In the place of the mountain

City by the beautiful bay

Looking out into the darkness

I was so untethered there

That all I could do was think of you

And dream you into my life.

The next day I ran

I ran and ran along the sea

Through the fog

And up to the crest of the 1000 foot mountain

Overlooking the churning deep blue sea.

I was afraid to go closer

Closer to the edge, because part of me was there already

Sitting on the edge of that high seaside mountain

Thinking of flying off, and not flying off.

To fly and really feel how untethered to this world I was

Or to sit back down on the earth

And go back to dreaming of a weight, weight to hold me here.

The depth of emptiness, loneliness at that time

Is hard, and yet not hard at all, to recall and I am not quite sure

What pulled me through, why I did not fly those days on the mountain

There must have been the dreams I still had

Of one day, a family, one day a tethering to this world.

For me it did come, the bracing to life, but it was a long journey back

One I still walk each day, as I examine the fragile tethering that holds me

And if you are felling untethered, I would like to say hold on

Healing is possible, reach out for this line

That I am tossing to you now

I will be your tether whenever, however I can

I’ll hold you in this space on earth.

 

 

Attachment

I know you

My addiction, my attachment

Even though I left you behind

Now some years ago

You emerge in my dreams.

Sometimes I startle back to consciousness

And I think

No, I can’t go back to that.

And some waking days I think of you

Or long for what you did for me

And I can smell you and see you there

I can feel the craving so deep

I want you.

I want to drink you, eat you, consume you, purge you.

But I did not work this hard

Come this far

To find myself sitting down there

With you, miserable after the pleasure and pain.

My attachment, though I have left you behind

Not to worry, you are still here

Reminding me, again and again

Every day a new opportunity to release you anew.

 

 

The child’s dark room

The box shaped room, it was so dark and empty

And yet the little girl went there day after day

Into that empty cold space of nothingness

And this is where she began to pray.

~

Dear God she would mumble

Please come and be with here with me

And she would cry while waiting

Wondering what she might see.

~

She had dreams of pink fairies, sweet lemonade

Contrasting frosty grey clouds with yellow sunny days

Green forests and emerald filled oceans

Her mind would journey in so many different ways.

~

The loneliness remained in the room, pervasive and real

And the girl how she suffered, sometimes withdrew

To question her existence, the gaping abyss

A child alone, loneliness being what she knew.

~

Though this time was quite painful

Seemingly an infinity, so disturbing and long

It was needed for her growth and change

It was the secret ingredient to her emerging song.

~

Don’t give in my dear lonely and lost children

Stuck in your empty, cold dark rooms

Don’t buy into the idea of the infinity of abyss

Don’t think of this as your own tomb.

~

I promise you now, if you can breathe and still learn

To sit, to be, to have infinite trust

That this deep darkness around you will pass

And into a life of light you will be thrust.

We need a world of peace

We need a world of peace

Of connection

Of understanding that

We are one

~

We need a world of love

Where people reach out

To one another

With full and open hearts

~

Everybody must be taught

To acknowledge the differences

Release the sufering

Accept life deeply

~

We need God’s love

Open your heart

Feel it here now

Full of healing light

~

We have the capacity

For this love and light filled world

Surround us in the light

Fill this world with peace.

~

Boston, April 15, 2012.

Sorrow Runs Into Joy

Sorrow runs into joy

And the world turns upside down

When the young soul leaves the body

Seemingly before his turn was done

*

Love falls into heartache

When all new hopes are dashed

When the smallest hand to grip

Is taken from us far too fast

*

Hope jumps over despair

When we reach out to others’ hearts

And step deep in there with them

The murky storm of life

*

The yin, the yang of life and love

so hard to understand

Where life abounds so clearly

Then death she closes in

*

Sorrow, she slams into joy

And breaks apart the soul

Into a million fragmented pieces

Reflecting the universe in every shard.