I should be

I should be writing, I think

Instead I am just sitting here

Stumbling, grumbling, grasping

Fighting with the words

That keep getting stuck

in the nooks and crannies of my head.

@&*%^

I should be singing

With a full heart and voice

Sending it out

Across the Universe

For you to sing too

Instead I sit quietly

A burning lump in my throat

@$%^@

I should be running

Faster and stronger

Moving from here to there and back

Again, repeat, again

Meanwhile I lay perfectly still

staring at the icicles

Dripping and losing themselves

+@#$%

Something in me wiggles and writhes about

This is not right to do just nothing

To be bored and restless

Find a focus, something urges

Do something, get busy

Grade these papers, edit that paper

Write this poem

@+&*(

Or go somehwere

Get in your car and go somewhere

Shopping, movie, food, coffee, clothes, shoes

Yoga, gym, hiking, skiing, therapy, bodywork, library

Anything, just get out and go

Here or there or wherever

*&%^$

Or meditate, yes that is it!

Go deep and feel it

Oh yes, that came from here and this from there

And I can feel it there, and here, and over there

What a crazy little monkey mind you have there

And oh yes, write about it

Journal it all up and tie it with a bow

+(*&^

Just do something

The mind propels, compels, active and wild,

Bored and restless and angry

You can’t just sit there

Curled up on the couch like that

Under how many cuddly blankets

Napping like some middle aged loser baby

@*&$

Don’t just be

Don’t just rest

Don’t just sit there

This is it, just today

Remember all of those other days you just sat there?

+_$%^

I should be….

 

 

 

 

 

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She is out

She is kicking and screaming inside

Outside, calm, strong, and civil

She will not be held back

She has changed, she wants out

~

She screams and feels deeply

Anger welling up and up

Rising to burn and burn and burn

The fear and anxiety away, she is out

~

Scr@w this she screams

Scr@w all of this fear and anxiety

I am not doing this anymore

I am out and I am here now, clearly present

~

I will be true to my nature

And recognize my failures

Even as I move away and on

And I reach further and further

~

I will expand she screams

I will engage and move forward

I will not be brought down

Do you hear me????

~

I am here right now

Clear and open and present

I am burning bright

You will not douse me now.

~

My true nature is out.

 

I just knew

I woke up in the dark

And in a sleep -filled haze

The image and the feeling

They grew into me and ….

I knew

~

I suddenly had realized

How all things work together

How the yin comes to meet the yang

How the good mixes with the evil

I got it all, and I knew

~

I saw it as the ying and the yang

But instead of white,black, grey

It was white and purple and blue

I breathed it all in on one breath

And I knew

~

I knew great comfort in this perception

And I knew an answer of sorts

How the pain leads to healing

The light shines into the dark

I now knew

~

I knew I could remember

The feeling of knowing was so deep

And so real, I was floating with it

I was it, in every cell; complete

And I wish for you to know too.

Falling

They keep falling, falling right in front of me

All around me like a swirling blanket

I glance up to see swooping, flying, and dancing

They fall and land and take a rest at last

*

Each in its own unique pattern

Bright white, reflecting the light

Falling from hundreds of feet above

They fall and come to rest, releasing the swirling dance

*

I cannot see then individually, they cling and fly apart

But they act in concert, soon they will be the blankets and piles

Blankets of bright heavenly postcards

Blinding me when I look up, blinding me with brightness and ice, they fall and rest

*

They come to rest and yes, some are plowed into piles,

Others formed into snowmen and snowballs

Or forts, or trails for skis, or icicles

Dripping down, down down toward the ground

*

Come Spring and Summer, I will drink them

They will become me

Part of my cellular makeup, the water on which I will run

In that way, I am also falling whiteness, a blanket right now

*

I am falling, and bright white, and piling up

I am snowballs, and trails, and piles of snow

I am melting and becoming one into the earth,

I am seeping into the water supply moment by moment

*

And you, you are also white and frozen now

Falling, piling, forming, melting

Coming back to earth

Coming back to the Htwo and the O

*

White postcards from heaven

Falling silently, I cannot hear them land

But I know soon, soon, soon

We will be one.