I dreamed about you last night
And for those moments
Or was it hours…?
I was hopeful, happy
Everything was good and right.
And then I woke up
Rain pounding on the cold tin roof
Wind screeching in my ears
And the tears came back
What to do now?
How to get back to that
The feeling of good and right
To let go of what’s holding me here
To walk closer to, into
The dreams of last night.
I dreamed about you last night
A baby not meant to live
A toddler’s tiny body overcome with illness
A teen making the wrong choices
A man broken, fighting his addictions
A middle-age person, grieving his losses
An elder, lonely from the inside out
A child running out, unable to dodge the car
A parent striving to get their child the care they need
A mother saying goodbye to her babies
A man caught up in his own delusions
A person feeling never ending avarice
A life so shattered, the desire to end it grows
A fear so large that it consumes the mind
Anxiety felt deep within the gut
Spasms, tremors, constant pain
Fever so high that seizures happen
Withdrawing from addictive substances
No more answers, no more choices
It is the human condition
It is you, it is me
Listen to what the Buddha said
Attachment and aversion lead to suffering
Sit here now, close eyes, breathe
And accept the suffering.
You want healing
Take just a little yoga now.
Feel the breath
Notice body, breath, spirit yoked together
Watch thoughts change.
Accept all of it:
The body today
The fear and pain today
The joy and pleasure today.
At the end of the hour
Notice the release
From stress, anxiety, fear, and pain
Walk into peace, ease, and grace
And thank all beings.
In my dreams
The mother comes to me
And she whispers
You can change this
You can make a difference.
I wake with tears in my eyes
And wonder why, how, when.
The next night she comes again
You must, the mother said, have faith.
Yet, once again I awake in tears
Wondering, where does faith come from?
More dreams, more tears
This time, she whispers
Just let go.
If you fall, I will catch you.
If you slide, I will pick you back up
If you fail, I will comfort you
Until you are ready
Ready to try again.
She follows me
Down the path
Around the corner
Through the jungle of challenges.
She whispers in my ear
“You never know….”.
She scares me sometimes
Even though she is right
I don’t know what is around the corner
Down the path
Through the jungle
Lurking in the near future.
But, sometimes her sibling
Faith holds my hand
And tells me not to worry.
She stands right in front of uncertainty
Blocking her way
No more whispers can be heard.
Sometimes Faith holds her ground
Day after day.
Other times I call for her
And she seems to have slipped away.
“Faith”, I cry, “come to me!”
But if Faith is busy
And it looks like Uncertainty
Is winning the whisper war,
I can call on others, like astonishing Hope
The shimmery beauty of Love
The golden promises of Ease.
The siblings that guarantee
A moment or two of calm,
Or even tranquility
No matter Uncertainty’s presence.
All around her the freezing air swirled
She was certainly ready
Dressed in her winter armor
Her many layers of protection.
Yes, she could handle the cold,
After some time passed, she awoke to the reality
Maybe, she wasn’t ready for how hard it would be
To see the path before her
To travel here alone
Her vision became clouded by the remnants of the past.
She realized, standing in that biting, swirling cold
She had to let go.
The only way to see herself through this cold snap
Was to let go of control
And trust in all that was beyond her knowledge
The power beyond herself.
Surely, this would bring her safely through
The blinding cold snap of her life.
Not yet winter
Letting go of fall
And dreaming of what is yet to come.
The cool air reminds us
That days ahead may be dark.
Today we can take a step back
And rest in the between space.
Notice the air and the subtle shifts
Find the space between inhale and exhale
The pause of the breath
The place of rest.
Between this moment and the next
Between action and inaction
Between the moment of birth
And the letting go of the shell.
The between space
Stop now and find yourself
Between, at the here and now.
We rode out the mother’s storm
Winds howling, screeching
The house moaned and groaned
We, being so fearful of being swept away,
Cried and huddled together.
Another disaster to live through
With debris all around.
But the mother she knows
She counts the toll of each indiscretion
And with every new storm
She sends the message with a roar,
Not a whisper:
Now is the time my children
To end my destruction
I am more powerful
And I care not just for thee
I care for all beings
I will do whatever it takes
To wake you up
To love, peace, nature, and mystery.
If you neglect my call
The price to pay
Will be far too great to fathom.
For I am
The power of the blue planet
And the stardust from whence you came.
I am Gaia.
Wake now my children.
Notice this moment,
And the next,
See how everything changes
All is impermanent.
Though we trembled and quaked
We soon forgot, at least
Until the next rumblings of the earth.
Sometimes grief slips out
When I am least aware.
Like when the person on the radio says something so relatable,
Or the book my child is reading makes a relevant point,
And I feel it well up inside of me.
Throat constricting, tears brimming, nose running.
Usually I feel it and think why?
Why should I care anymore, you have been gone so long?
I should be over this….
Even as the tears slide down my face, and I pretend like I still don’t care.
It doesn’t matter that you were not kind
That you had not the ability to be thoughtful
That you were too broken
To be a caring person
That we were not close those last years.
Estrangement does not loosen the grip of grief
Though it can make it difficult
To break down and walk through the stoney cold wall
That was built up for protection.
But every now and then it happens
The proper words, the forgotten song,
The right set and setting…
And only then the grief leaks out, in micro amounts.
A few tears spilling down my cheeks
Silent, heart aching, never ending
A quiet reminder
That you are still missed.
Only then, grief spills out.
Both mired in the muck, the mud
Immersed so deeply in the darkness
They journey alongside one another
Striving, healing, rising
Lotus rises first
Flat leaves, broad and sturdy
Shading pond below
Silently growing, transforming.
Alongside lotus, dragonfly nymph
Slowly climbing out of muck
Arise above mud, and climb green reed
Lotus flower grows tall
Dragonfly nymph wriggles
Both work, both venture
A world unknown
A new life.
Lotus flower slowly blossoms
Emerging in sunlight
Drinking in warmth
Closing upon darkness
Patiently waiting, drying
Growing stronger through sitting
Preparing for flight.
Lessons to learn
Arise, arise, and arise above
The depths of darkness
From whence they came.