I dreamed last night

I dreamed about you last night
And for those moments
Or was it hours…?
I was hopeful, happy
Everything was good and right.
*
And then I woke up
Rain pounding on the cold tin roof
Wind screeching in my ears
And the tears came back
What to do now?
*
How to get back to that
The feeling of good and right
To let go of what’s holding me here
To walk closer to, into
The dreams of last night.

Suffering

A baby not meant to live

A toddler’s tiny body overcome with illness

A teen making the wrong choices

A man broken, fighting his addictions

A middle-age person, grieving his losses

An elder, lonely from the inside out

Suffering….

A child running out, unable to dodge the car

A parent striving to get their child the care they need

A mother saying goodbye to her babies

A man caught up in his own delusions

A person feeling never ending avarice

A life so shattered, the desire to end it grows

Suffering….

A fear so large that it consumes the mind

Anxiety felt deep within the gut

Spasms, tremors, constant pain

Fever so high that seizures happen

Withdrawing from addictive substances

No more answers, no more choices

Suffering….

It is the human condition

It is you, it is me

Listen to what the Buddha said

Attachment and aversion lead to suffering

Sit here now, close eyes, breathe

And accept the suffering.

Suffering….

 

 

 

 

 

A Little Yoga

You want healing

Take just a little yoga now.

Feel the breath

Be present.

Notice body, breath, spirit yoked together

Notice thoughts

Watch thoughts change.

Accept all of it:

The body today

The fear and pain today

The joy and pleasure today.

At the end of the hour

Or longer

Notice the release

From stress, anxiety, fear, and pain

Walk into peace, ease, and grace

And thank all beings.

Namaste.

 

 

Dreams

In my dreams

The mother comes to me

And she whispers

You can change this

You can make a difference.

I wake with tears in my eyes

And wonder why, how, when.

The next night she comes again

You must, the mother said, have faith.

Yet, once again I awake in tears

Wondering, where does faith come from?

More dreams, more tears

This time, she whispers

Just let go.

If you fall, I will catch you.

If you slide, I will pick you back up

If you fail, I will comfort you

Until you are ready

Ready to try again.

Uncertainty

Uncertainty

She follows me

Down the path

Around the corner

Through the jungle of challenges.

She whispers in my ear

“You never know….”.

She scares me sometimes

Even though she is right

I don’t know what is around the corner

Down the path

Through the jungle

Lurking in the near future.

But, sometimes her sibling

Faith appears.

Faith holds my hand

And tells me not to worry.

She stands right in front of uncertainty

Blocking her way

No more whispers can be heard.

Sometimes Faith holds her ground

Day after day.

Other times I call for her

And she seems to have slipped away.

“Faith”, I cry, “come to me!”

But if Faith is busy

And it looks like Uncertainty

Is winning the whisper war,

I can call on others, like astonishing Hope

The shimmery beauty of Love

and

The golden promises of Ease.

The siblings that guarantee

A moment or two of calm,

Or even tranquility

No matter Uncertainty’s presence.

 

 

 

Cold Snap

All around her the freezing air swirled

She was certainly ready

Dressed in her winter armor

Her many layers of protection.

Yes, she could handle the cold,

The dark

The loneliness.

After some time passed, she awoke to the reality

Maybe, she wasn’t ready for how hard it would be

To see the path before her

To travel here alone

And so

Her vision became clouded by the remnants of the past.

She realized, standing in that biting, swirling cold

She had to let go.

The only way to see herself through this cold snap

Was to let go of control

And trust in all that was beyond her knowledge

The transcendent

The ineffable

The power beyond herself.

Surely, this would bring her safely through

The blinding cold snap of her life.

The Between Space

Not yet winter

Letting go of fall

And dreaming of what is yet to come.

The cool air reminds us

That days ahead may be dark.

Today we can take a step back

And rest in the between space.

Notice the air and the subtle shifts

Find the space between inhale and exhale

The pause of the breath

The place of rest.

Between this moment and the next

Between action and inaction

Between the moment of birth

And the letting go of the shell.

The between space

Ever present

Easily accessed

Stop now and find yourself

Between, at the here and now.

Gaia’s Power

We rode out the mother’s storm
Winds howling, screeching
The house moaned and groaned
We, being so fearful of being swept away,
Cried and huddled together.
Another disaster to live through
With debris all around.
But the mother she knows
She counts the toll of each indiscretion
And with every new storm
Earthquake
Fire
Hurricane
She sends the message with a roar,
Not a whisper:
Now is the time my children
To end my destruction
I am more powerful
More unpredictable
And I care not just for thee
I care for all beings
I will do whatever it takes
To wake you up
To love, peace, nature, and mystery.
If you neglect my call
The price to pay
Will be far too great to fathom.
For I am
Your mother
Your maker
The power of the blue planet
And the stardust from whence you came.
I am Gaia.
Wake now my children.
Notice this moment,
And the next,
See how everything changes
All is impermanent.
Though we trembled and quaked
We soon forgot, at least
Until the next rumblings of the earth.

Sometimes Grief

Sometimes grief slips out

When I am least aware.

Like when the person on the radio says something so relatable,

Or the book my child is reading makes a relevant point,

And I feel it well up inside of me.

Throat constricting, tears brimming, nose running.

Usually I feel it and think why?

Why should I care anymore, you have been gone so long?

I should be over this….

Even as the tears slide down my face, and I pretend like I still don’t care.

It doesn’t matter that you were not kind

That you had not the ability to be thoughtful

That you were too broken

To be a caring person

and

That we were not close those last years.

Estrangement does not loosen the grip of grief

Though it can make it difficult

To break down and walk through the stoney cold wall

That was built up for protection.

But every now and then it happens

The proper words, the forgotten song,

The right set and setting…

And only then the grief leaks out, in micro amounts.

A few tears spilling down my cheeks

Silent, heart aching, never ending

A quiet reminder

That you are still missed.

Only then, grief spills out.

 

 

Lotus & Dragonfly

Both mired in the muck, the mud
Immersed so deeply in the darkness
They journey alongside one another
Striving, healing, rising
Ever arising.
*
Lotus rises first
Green emerging
Flat leaves, broad and sturdy
Shading pond below
Silently growing, transforming.
*


*
Alongside lotus, dragonfly nymph
Slowly climbing out of muck
Arise above mud, and climb green reed
Pause…
Next, emergence.
*

*
Lotus flower grows tall
Dragonfly nymph wriggles
Both work, both venture
A world unknown
A new life.
*
Lotus flower slowly blossoms
Emerging in sunlight
Drinking in warmth
Closing upon darkness
Always protected.
*
Dragonfly pauses
Patiently waiting, drying
Growing stronger through sitting
Little movement
Preparing for flight.
*
Lotus, Dragonfly
Lessons to learn
Arise, arise, and arise above
The depths of darkness
From whence they came.